Sunday, 23 June 2013
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) - ★
Writer: Paul W.s. Anderson
Stars: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Sienna Guillory, Bingbing Li, Oded Fehr, Johann Urb
Wow. Resident Evil: Retribution is easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The first 15 minutes alone is just gun-violence and a re-cap of the previous movies. Then we finally get to the story (if you can call it a story), and it's the most repetitive, mind-numbing experience imaginable. It's not scary, it's nothing new, the special effects are awful, the acting is atrocious, the product-placement is despicable... but everyone involved in the film knew this. In fact, everybody knows this. Paul W.S. Anderson seems to take pride in making these incoherent pieces of garbage, and his fans just lap it up. For anyone who enjoys good movies, I think you already know that this one stinks to high heaven.
Alice (Jovovich) wakes up in Umbrella Corp. headquarters. A sexy Asian chick shows up to help her escape. There's a crazy computer (controlling her friend) chasing them, shooting at them every 10 minutes. There's this team of sexy men that are blowing stuff up over in some other area, but they're allies. Their goal is to escape this facility and make it to the surface. They all must work together to defeat the crazy computer called The Red Queen.
Yes, that's the story. It's basically the first movie. We even see the same characters pop up from the past. Except in this movie, there's hardly any moments where you can sit back and enjoy yourself. There were so many gun-fights and mutant scenes that I became desensitized to it all. Zombies have lost all meaning, making only a few appearances throughout this instalment.
Once again, these characters have no depth to them. Mind you, I don't think anyone cares anyway. They're there to be killed off one by one, and to kill other people one by one. It's all just so repetitive that the last 30 minutes became a giant snooze-fest. One thing I feel people should know about me is that I don't hate silly movies. I know when a movie is intended to be taken in light spirits. This is one of those films where you leave logic and questions at the door. I did do that, and I still had a terrible time.
I can still remember the exact moment where I said "I hate this movie." It was when Alice suddenly shows up out of nowhere in this brand new car. (I know practically nothing about cars so bear with me). They literally structured a whole action sequence to show off the car. They must have had dozens of different angles shot of the car, including close-ups of the hood ornament. It's one thing to have product-placement done sneakily, but to write a whole chunk of screenplay for it? That was the point where I lost a lot of respect for Paul W.S. Anderson. At least I got one over on them, I still can't even name what kind of car it was!
Yup, this is a particularly bad one. I'll forget it exists until I stumble upon this review again one day. That's all it is, completely forgettable. Just like the 4th movie was too. While the first three Resident Evil movies were bad, they weren't nearly as bad as this. The only time I enjoyed myself was when I was making fun of it!