Writers: Joss Whedon, Drew Goddard
Stars: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kanz, Jesse Williams, Bradley Whitford, Richard Jenkins
I absolutely hated this movie for the most part. For the first three quarters, it grained on me and gave me a headache. As a horror movie, it fails miserably at scaring the audience. As a comedy, it just fails at being funny enough to maintain interest. In terms of originality, most of it are hand-me-down stories from previous horror movies... that is until the end. The last quarter of the film was pretty cool, which brought entertainment and a little bit of originality. Overall, practically everything about this movie was awful. Unless you like mindless films where drab characters get killed off one by one, I'd give this one a miss.
Five teenagers head off for a weekend at a secluded cabin in the woods. They arrive to find they are quite isolated with no means of communicating with the outside world. When the cellar door flings itself open, they of course go down to investigate. They find an odd assortment of relics and curios but when one of the women, Dana (Kristen Connolly), reads from a book she awakens a family of deadly zombie killers. There's far more going on however than meets the eye as the five campers are all under observation.
|Chris Hemsworth in his worst movie role.|
I'm not going to lie, I kind of liked the story though. I won't spoil it for you, but there's a team of scientists watching what is happening to these stupid teenagers. They control the things that come after them, all for a purpose that you don't find out until the end. Unfortunately, the scientists don't seem like scientists, and the whole thing was executed poorly. I was sitting there wondering "Who hired these idiots?"
The acting is absolutely atrocious by everyone. There is not one single performance that would classify as 'average' in my opinion. Is it really that hard to evoke a realistic performance out of actors in a horror movie? Over the years I've come to realize that the worst performances out of any genre of cinema is that of horror flicks. In films like Alien (1979), The Thing (1982), and Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), their fear seemed real and the characters were at least likable. In The Cabin in the Woods, I couldn't care less about these people. I was just watching one bad performance after another getting slashed off the screen.
|Kristen Connolly playing the virgin.|
Oh yeah, and even after the characters have been stabbed and tortured over and over, they can manage to run, drive and live for a huge amount of time. So f*cking stupid.
You know what, even after all the utter crap, my sister really enjoyed this film. I on the other hand, hated almost everything about it. So I can see how this movie can entertain the lovers of all things horror. I am a lover of horror movies, but only the good ones. In my opinion, The Cabin in the Woods is nothing more than a mindless slasher flick with a decent ending.